HP – A customer service Story

Customer Service that is really trying to please the customer.. simply amazing!

Once in a while you get customer service that is worth writing about. This morning, I was going to blast this company, but after this evening, I’m reconsidering. Here’s my tale of PC woe with a TKO in Round 4.

Round 1:

A few months ago, my daughter’s desktop would not boot up.. This is an HP Pavilion that I had purchased only a 2 years ago. I went on line to HP to and of course since my computer had just come off warranty a few months ago, I was offered their standard $200 service offer. Well I figured, might as well try it out. After being convinced by the customer service rep who called me (yes this still happens), I reluctantly parted with my $200 and sent in my machine for repair in the pre-paid box that HP sent to me. This is where the fun begins.

I get my desktop back in about 7 days and after I power it up, I notice I’m getting video errors (machine goes to sleep and monitor loses connectivity with the video card).

Round 2:

So I get back on-line and go through the process and I’m told to return the PC and they would fix it at no charge. I go through the same gyrations of packing my machine and sending it in for repair and getting the machine back in a week. I even get a call from  an HP technician that there is no problem with my machine after their “extensive tests”. They indicated there might be a problem with my flat screen monitor! I said ok.. just send me back my machine and I’ll take see what to do. I get the machine back, I reconnect all the cable and after a day or so.. same problem!

I must be a glutton for punishment, so I go on-line and talk to the nice outsourced representative of HP service in India. The nice representative assures me that they will fix the machine this time and I should send it back for repair. So I send the machin  back for repair.

Round 3:

I get the machine back and still have the same problems so I go back through the same gyration and send the machine back to HP. Do you see a trend here? Now, I’m getting peeved.

I get the machine back and they have pretty much gutted the machine, replacing the motherboard, video card, etc.

Machine works fine for a week and suddenly now on a “cold boot“, the machine no longer recognizes that it has a video card so I’m in the default low resolutoin of 640 x 480. Now I’ve had enough.. I’m mad as hell and am not going to take it anymore!

I get back on line and I demand that HP escalate this issue to a “case manager” so I can really give someone a dress down.. The nice young man on my screen tells me “I will personally make sure your machine is fixed”. Note this is the same canned script I heard during rounds 1 and 2 respectively.

So now, I know I can’t power down my machine, because it will take me at least 6 to 7 attempts before the video card is recognized. I’m smart that way, and don’t power down the machine!

Round 4 (TKO):

Tonight I get a call from a “Case Manager” and guess what? She tells me that they are going to send me a new desktop as they can’t seem to fix my machine! She asks me for an order number for my original order from HP.. Yeah like I have that.. So she says.. “No worries sir, we will find the order from sales and will send you a suitable replacement”. Now this  scares me.. Will I get another lemon or will I get a machine that works?

Stay tuned and I’ll let you know how this saga ends. Yet the point is that I never thought that HP would even consider replacing my desktop.. That is a rarity in this day of bad customer service. Customer service that is actually thinking of the customer. Perhaps I’m getting ahead of myself, but let’s see what happens…

The case manager promised to call me tomorrow to “resolve the issue”.. let’s see. Anyone that knows me will tell you I’m more than skeptical.. we shall see..

OCI – A success story

A success story of someone who got his OCI card after 4 months! Now, I’m the only one left looking in!

As many of my readers know, I love writing about my continued failure in getting an OCI Card from the government of India.  My good Friend AM (same initials as me but with much better success), just got his OCI card after 4 months. I’ve been involved in his process (starting with the application and the Middletown Post Office mailing…) from beginning to end.

My OCI Saga – By guest blogger Mr AM (full name not listed, because we value our guest blogger’s privacy and threats they direct at us)

Finally after a long and grueling wait for 4 months, I was able to go to Indian Consulate in New York city and get the OCI stamped in my American passport. Never imagined that it would take so long, but I have to constantly remind myself that I was dealing with Indian Govt  office and nothing there is logical, it is all at the whims and fancies of the officials sitting in India in some office with nothing better to do than annoy everyone that needs their support.

So I decided to apply for OCI in June of 2010,  and sent in the application with all necessary forms and sent it via Priority mail with delivery confirmation and return receipt. It was more than 2 wks since I sent it and never got the return receipt. Went to the post office and asked them, all they were able to confirm was it was delivered the very next day but some folks choose to send the return receipts in bulk and I may get it late. But I never got it.

 

Even IRS which receives millions and millions of tax returns follows the process and sends the return receipts properly but Indian consulate which may be receiving a fraction of what IRS is getting but never bothers to send the return receipt. Oh I forgot I am dealing with a Indian govt office or probably someone must educate them that they don’t need to pay any postage as it already paid by the sender.  Probably that is what is stopping them from sending it back.

 

After a month,  one day I got a big package from the OCI CELL, yes, they call it CELL, like a prison … and my application was returned because I didn’t include the Indian passport surrender certificate. So I had to apply for that,  but luckily the instructions said, I can include the surrender certificate application along with my OCI application, no need to send it separately. Oh what a help that was.. thank you very much Indian Consulate for being so considerate and humane and letting us send both the applications together!.

 

Then started the wait period, it was like the documents I sent via mail went into some black hole, never got any response back. Wouldn’t  it be appropriate for the Indian consulate to send a confirmation that the documents have reached them and under processing? Oh wait, I am dealing with Indian consulate, nothing is done logically there.

 

So I did some search in Google, found the online status enquiry site and filled in my application number, for one month or so, I got “Application not received” message. What does that mean? Where did the application go? Does that mean it is in Newyork CGI office or where, it just simply drives you nuts.

 

Slowly every 20 days or so, the status was updated stating my application was received, documents are being scanned, documents are printed, documents are being put in cover to be mailed, the mail man has started walking towards the mailbox, the mail main has put the key to the mailroom and finally the document is dispatched and received in New York CGI. Well the first two and the last status are the valid ones, I just put the rest for the kick of it. The statuses were so stupid that I just couldn’t resist putting the rest. Probably after reading this article the Consulate office might think of implementing those statuses.

 

The big day arrived, I was all set to go to Newyork city and hand over my passport to get the OCI visa stamped.  I was told that I have to drop the passport between 9:30 and 11:30 and collect it back between 4:30 – 5pm.  What a waste of time and energy, the consulate has all the necessary documents and all it requires is a little bit of coordination and say they process only 25 OCI stampings, give fixed appointments for folks waiting to get their passport stamped, and they can just give it right on the spot without all these waiting drama.. Oh wait, I am dealing with a Indian govt office, nothing is done there logically.

 

Luckily, my pal (owner of this blog), who grew up in NYC  agreed to join me and that was the best thing to happen. If not, I would not have known where to go or how to kill the time. So we both go to the consulate and there was a long queue waiting outside.  We thought ok, we are going to stand here for the whole day!! Luckily that queue is for other consular activities and we were let in immediately to drop the passport.

 

I got to tell you about the entrance to office. I have seen it only in meat processing plants or in industrial plants where they put these PVC strip curtains instead of doors because of big equipments moving in and out and it saves energy. That type of industrial strength strip curtains where placed in the entrance. It gave me a feeling of a goat or cow entering a meat processing plant to get its head chopped off. It is so heavy and I don’t know why they put it there. Cant they have a door and make it easy for people (particularly it will be v.tough on old people), oh wait cant think logically here, because, yep you got that right, you are dealing with a Indian govt office!!!

 

Stood in a small queue of about 10 folks, handed over the passport and got an encrypted response “come back at 4:30” no other details, no receipt for the submitted passport, nothing. Before even you leave the person in the counter calls the next one in the queue.  So anyone can come in the evening before you and just give your name and collect the passport and go. What a system!!!!!

 

The best part of this trip happened after submitting the passport. Yes, my friend and I went around Newyork city, first went to downtown, saw the construction of the new World Trade Center, walked to Battery park, took the free ferry ride to Staten Island and back to city, had lunch in Chipotle, went to Union Square and spent some time there and then Times Square was our final destination before going back to the butcher shop.. sorry to pick up the passport. Thanks to my friend AM for taking me to places in Newyork city that I have never been to (It is all good places ok.. so don’t let your dreams go wild!!!). Oh I forgot to mention that we went to Apple store and man it was like being in heaven!

Finally we reached the consulate around 4:20, but they wouldn’t let us in because it is not 4:30 yet.  So waited outside and I went in to collect my passport. One thing I noticed really concerned me is in the common sitting area, a huge pile of US and Indian passports were left unattended all over the place, yes those are the ones that come in by mail and they are preparing it for mailing. But that is NOT the place to keep them. Anyone can access that pile of US and Indian passports. So if you are planning to mail your passport in, think twice.

So finally after a long wait of more than 4 months,  spending a day to just get the visa stamped (lucky I had my friend come with me.. If not and if you are new to Newyork, you will be just sitting idle killing time) I got the most coveted visa in the world – OCI (Overseas Citizen of India).

NYC Visit for OCI retrieval – NOT MINE!

Going to NYC to the dungeon of the Indian Consulate to get my friends OCI Card on October 29, 2010

So this Friday, my buddy and I will be visiting NYC. He’s getting his OCI card and I’ll tag along sulking in self misery as I still can’t get mine since I need to get the American Naturalization certificate to get an Indian Overseas Citizen of India Card. I still don’t get the logic behind that. So to get the replacement I’ll have to pay $380 so I can make a copy of it to give it to the Indian Government.

It’ll be my second visit to NYC in the past 2 weeks. To think I grew up in NYC, went to school in NYC, and commuted to NYC, and now I’m just a tourist. Something about NYC just brings out the joy in me. I guess seeing all the masses of humanity and the crowds is just exciting. In the  burbs where I live, seeing people walk around is a rarity, but in NYC, the best way to get around is on Foot.

Last week when I went to NYC, I found myself  looking at people and saying that: “this was me for so many Years”. Now I’m just a docile subarbinite who gets excited in my infrequent visits to the Big Apple.

I’ll write about my visit of course as my buddy and I plan to chill and have a good time.

Later for now,

Dad

Bharatbeat Relaunched

Dad’s Taxi and BharatBeat is proud to announce the re-launch of BharatBeat which is your first stop on the web for the Global South Asian!

And

Dad’s Taxi and BharatBeat is proud to announce the re-launch of Bharatbeat, your first stop on the web for the Global South Asian.

Bharatbeat is your first stop for the Global Indian.  Regardless of where you are, we try to provide you with a one stop source for all things related India (Forums, Movie Reviews, Gossip, Indo-Links, Travel).

Our newest venue is a Forums site which is  a chai-time based site where our members post  questions on a variety of topics, read interesting articles and find answers to anything and everything. We are looking for volunteers to take an active role in monitoring and responding to issues/questions to enable a global discussion that impact the South-Asian community

In the  BharatBeat Genie Forums, you can post feedback  related to:

  • Community Cafe  – Debate, ReelTalk, NewsRoom, Cooking Recipes, and Tips and tricks for life!
  • Moni Cafe – Savings and Deals Galore. Who doesn’t want a bargain?
  • Tech Cafe – Brilliant solutions to your technology questions and of course Tips and techniques, Free Software and tools, Smartphone Lounge and Ringtones for your smartphone.

The forums site is your site to provide your feedback and start an active conversation with each other on a global scale!

With this relaunch we celebrate the one year anniversary of BharatBeat in which we have seen over 10,000 unique visitors!

BharatBeat is designed to showcase the  diversity that defines today’s Global Beat of  India and the South-Asian community!

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FYI: I’ve had a new directory category on my side bar for sites where you can see various directory related information.

BharatBeat’s goal is be a community site where you the visitor can leave your input and be a contributor to our site. Email your suggestions on content and we will respond to you!

Lighting The Way To My Heritage – An Introduction

Lighting the way to my heritage

Disclosure: Dad’s taxi is providing this posting as a courtesy to the authors and their first venture into publishing!

I’d like to present a unique opportunity for my readers to order  a book and DVD on Hinduism. This book and DVD is a complete  “hands-on” instructional that parents can read and view with  their children on all facets of Hinduism.
This book and DVD has been authored by Ravi Gaonkar and Padma Shandas and is available for purchase @www.rutusarang.com.
The cost is only $28 in Us and Canada including postage.
Dad’s taxi is providing this introduction as a benefit to my South Asian readers and their families.
The Book: Provides  glimpses of India’s long and rich culture, history, philosophy and religions. There are discussions on the contributions of South Asians in the fields of Mathematics, Medicine, Literature, Music and the performing arts. Biographies  of notable personalities who have left their mark on the rich diversity of Indian culture are also discussed.
The FAQ’s and comprehensive glossary  on Hinduism is a must read! Both the FAQ’s and the glossary will provide insights into the Hindu culture that everyone will find insightful.
The DVD: This is a full instructional video of Shlokas in Sanskrit with subtitles inEnglish on various prayers and their meanings.  Every chapter of the DVD is enriching to everyone, regardless of their knowledge on practicing Hinduism in their daily life!
The DVD introduces the practice of prayers utilizing (39) Sanskrit Shlokas.
Announcing the publication of a Book + DVD combination in September of 2010!
“Lighting the Way to My Heritage”

  • An Introduction to India’s Past, Traditions and Rituals

    This is a first for this type of Book + DVD produced with a unique perspective!
    • This Book + DVD combination will be a classic for you and your family for years to come!
    • This Book + DVD will enable your children and future generations to understand their Indian cultural heritage!
    A promotional video is available on YouTube and ordering information @www.rutusarang.com. Hope you enjoy this introduction to Hinduism for you and your family!

Immigration and Little India

Little India and Oak Tree Road, a slice of Indian Culture!

A few days ago I received an email from one of my colleagues at my work. He was deeply insulted by an article written by humorist Joel Stein in the July edition of Time Magazine. At first look I was agreeing with the “insult” that my colleague felt. By the way this colleague and I share the same first name..That is a story for another day…

Of course being reactive the way I am, I forwarded my colleague’s email to initiate an “official protest” to a few of my close friends who share my Indian heritage. By the way Mr. Stein’s article has spread like wildfire on the Web ..

After a few responses from my close friends I realized that I had grossly mis-interpreted the Joel Stein’s humor laced article in Time Magazine. Yet a part of me still wanted to send an email missile towards Mr. Stein.

What Mr. Stein writes about is valid. The Indian community has indeed taken over Oak Tree Road in every aspect. The 2 to 3 miles of strip malls that have been taken over by the Indian shopkeepers can indeed be intimidating to individuals of individuals that call themselves to be “true red, white and blue Americans”.  I have mixed emotions about the Edison, NJ version of “Little India“.

On one hand when I go to Oak Tree Road in Edison, NJ feel like I’m back in Mumbai or in New Delhi. Better yet where I grew up, in Jackson Heights, New York. Most of my formative years from high school was spent in similar environment on 74th street! Except for the parking problems,  “Little India” is a slice of my childhood. I feel at home, because of  my young adult life being raised amongst the stores and hustle and bustle of working in Jackson Heights!

On the other hand, I dread going to Edison, NJ and partaking and contributing to the economy of Woodbridge, NJ. The racism that prevails with the Woodbridge Police against the Indian Community in this town is notorious. I’ve been gifted with a ticket or two during my visit to Oak Tree Road for parking violations as well! You are guaranteed a “dirty look” welcome by the non south-asian residents whose homes line the road that is called Oak Tree Road.

Even being a naturalized “Desi”,  I am intimidated by the choice and the community that is known globally as “Little India”.  I can imagine the thoughts of someone that grew up in this community and coming back after 10 years what his/her perspective might be!

Additionally, some of the storekeepers and their employees barely speak the English Language and act like they are back in their respective cities, towns, and villages that they originated from.

Everywhere you look, all you will find tastes (literally and figuratively) of  Mumbai, New Delhi, and all parts of  the India diaspora right here! From Carom Boards,  Indian clothes, jewelry, food, restaurants, dry cleaning, there is nothing is nothing you can’t find here that you are looking.  I can find print copies of local news papers from India here with within 24 hours of publication in any language that you call your native tongue from India!.  Anything you want that’s India based can be found with multiple varieties and choice within a 3 mile strip of road.

All the deities that Mr. Stein mentions in his article can be found in abundance at any of the multiple grocery stores on Oak Tree Road. If you go to MetroPark Train station in Edison,  any Non-South Asian  is a minority at the train station between 6:00 AM and 9:00 AM. As a matter of fact, Metropark is the defacto premier  stop of the “desi express”  North-East Corridor of New Jersey Transit that stop in Metropark, Metuchen, Edison, New Brunswick and all the way to Princeton

At Metro Park, you see an abundance of advertising by the Bollywood mega icon Amitabh Bachhan and all the stores that line Oak Tree Road.

When my family first immigrated from NY to NJ in the early 1980’s to Edison, NJ, Oak tree road was just in it’s infancy.  There was an abundance of the stores and establishments like “Pizza Hut” that Mr. Stein mentions. Unfortunately, all I remember is the Bars and shuttered stores that littered Oak Tree Road and it’s various strip malls that have now been made alive and vibrant by the Indian merchants.  I remember I used to go the Famous Pizza  on Oak Tree road for “special occasions” and having only a handful of stores, where I could get my desi groceries.

So when I read Mr Stein’s article, I was at first astonished at the outright racism expressed in his words. Yes both Time and Mr. Stein did apologize for his words. After absorbing the context of his article, I do not think Mr. Stein needs to apologize for his humor.  I have to  admit every word he says in his article does hold true. The assimilation of the Indo-American culture  is so visible in Woodbridge, NJ and Little India, that  it is very difficult to determine where the Indian culture ends and the American culture begins.

As a matter of fact, many of the kids that have gone to J.P Stevens High School in Edison have been my older daughter’s best friends.  My daughter has spent many years of her young life amongst the citizens of Woodbridge, NJ that she is most at home in that community. Both my daughters have performed at the annual Independence day festivities in Oak Tree Road as well as ride on the floats that go down the main avenue of Oak Tree Road.

So I do applaud Mr. Stein for his article and I know that many will find his words offensive (similar to my colleague from work who asked for an “official protest” of this article).

You know what, I am going to do to appease the masses that will protest Mr. Steins humor in his article? I’m going to officially protest my own blog posting as an Indian Born Confused Desi’s  (IBCD) response being an member of the Indian community that is known as Little India!

IndoLinks Page Updated

Updated page for the Global Indian! Indolinks are freshly pressed!

Finally had a chance to update the IndoLinks page. I cleaned up the page and added some new links to Desi Hits and other sites.

Looking for some input from my readers on new sites.

Coming soon a few days on Bharatbeat is a complete redesign which includes:

  • Site of the Day
  • Blog of the day

Bharatbeat is the heart and soul of the global Indian.

Trip Log Delhi – April 3, 2010

Vacation Journal summary from India for March 2010 tour of India by Dad’s taxi and his family.

So this is the last day of  our vacation in India.. The kids and wife are in Mumbai and I’m in New Delhi awaiting my trip back to the US tomorrow morning.

We all started early this morning from Kochin after our 5 day drip to the great state of Kerala. We had a total blast on the houseboat, the hill station in Munnar and the shopping in Kochin.

We are all weary from this long trip as we have traversed across India to see the beauty, culture and lands. We have truly seen the beautiful land that is today’s India.  No doubt, the wealth of India is in it’s people. The economics of change and the growing wealth is visible everywhere with the amount of money that is flowing in this country. Regardless of where you go,  Indians are the most friendly and enthusiastic citizens I have seen. Regardless of what they do for a living or their socio-economic status, they are all happy. From the taxi driver to business man, they are pursuing their dreams for the good life and success.

I did not meet anyone in my 3 weeks that I could say was bitter or mean spirited (Of course I exclude myself from this formula).

The wealth that is in India is amazing. Money is everywhere and there is money to be made everywhere.  It’s just a matter of where you look and how you utilize the opportunity that you are presented with.

To me this whole trip was eye opening.. Life without a doubt is different from my life in New Jersey. People do struggle no doubt about it. Yet from all my relatives that I met and all the people from the service industry (travel and tourism) that I interacted with, everyone is striving for a better life. You do not see unhappiness.

Perhaps I’m looking through rainbow colored sunglasses, but what I see is a wealthy nation that’s strength is it’s people. Technology is driving the wealth across the country. The spirit of the Entrepenneur is alive and thriving here.

I will go out on a limb and say this: Within the next 2 to 5 years, India will surpass all countries with their technological advances. The infrastructure to support this technology is a work in process across the country as you will witness the road construction going on everywhere in the country.

The problems that India continues to face is: Corruption at all levels, and population growth that continues to grow unabated.

From the places I visited this time,  below is my ranking of places that I  find to be the best places in Incredible India!

  • Munnar (Hill Station Retreat)
  • Kochin (the Houseboats tour)
  • Goa (Beach Resorts)
  • New Delhi (Tourism)
  • Pune (Visiting Relatives)
  • Mumbai (Shopping/Food)

I have yet to see all of what India presents, but I plan to do so over the next few years, as Dad’s taxi continues to explore the country that he is proud to say is in his DNA.

As I’m fully recovered (thank god) from the bout of food poisioning,  I realize that what I love the most (food) is the true reason for any ailments that befall me when I come to India.

After my return, I’ll go back and update my travels with additional thoughts on my visit.

Prarthana Joshi – Pune Diary- March 2010

Prarthana Joshi, filmmaker and photographer extrordinaire.

Today, I met my talented niece in Pune.. She makes short films and has won awards in India for her work.  In the very near future, she will be showcasing her work on BharatBeat.

Prarthana has been making short films for 2 years now. She’s a rising star in the short film industry.. Watch out for Prarthana.

Not only is she a talented film maker, she is a talented photographer and poet as well.  Her blog will be found on the sidebar under our favorite blog sites.

Give Prarthana’s blog a look and you will see the future winner of the Acadamy award in the category of “Short Films”.

In the very near future, she will also be a contributor with her reviews of films (Both Marathi and Hindi).

We at BharatBeat welcome her to our family…

Puneri Attitude – Indian Premier League (IPL) fan rules

IPL rules for behavior in Pune Stadiums

In India right now  the rage is the Indian Premier League (IPL) for Cricket. Indians are fanatical about their cricket and honestly,  I’m starting to get into it as well  I continue my vacation tour of the country..

The IPL is similar to Major League Baseball where players are “drafted” and teams are created for cities.  The owners of these teams are Bollywood stars that have bought these teams.  Each match is a quick match (only a few hours, as opposed to the days normal cricket matches take.

Suffice it to say the IPL is like Baseball on Steroids when it comes to sport in India.. I’m still trying to understand the game, but when it comes to  cricket, the madness rules in India. Every action related to the IPL is microscoped and analyzed. Any comment by an owner is scrutinized.. Hey wait.. it’s similar to the National Football League as well!

Pune is designated as a city for the IPL.. Full credit for everything beyond this goes to Deepak Iyer.   I read about his blog entry  in the local paper. The following rules for watching Puneri IPL cricket matches.. These rules for fan behavior are posted outside the stadium whee the matches are to be played.. I don’t know whether these rules are for real, but knowing the Puneri attitude, I suspect these rules are very real…

I found these rules to be very entertaining to say the least.  What amused me the most was that I think that the rules listed below are Not in jest, but rules that will be enforced..

As a courtesy to the blogger (Deepak Iyer), I have extracted in it’s entirety (including the Marathi font of devangi) for your viewing pleasure.. Keep up the great work Deepak!

Oh I forget that the proposed uniform is all in Marathi..

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*ह्या पाट्या आहेत त्या’मैदानावरच्या’ …..

Signboards at the stadium

१. सामन्याची वेळ तुमच्या तिकिटावर छापलेली आहे, उगाच कधीही येऊन गर्दी करु नये.

The match timings are printed in bold letters on your ticket. Do not crowd this place by showing up whenever you please.

२. सामन्याच्या वेळेच्या आधी ३० मिनिटे मैदानात प्रवेश दिला जाईल, तुम्ही गडबड केल्याने सामना लवकर सुरु होणार नाही.

Entry begins 30 minutes before the match and not before that. Your haste will not ‘prepone’ the match.

३. खुर्चीचा वापर फक्त बसण्यासाठीच करावा… एका खुर्चीवर एकच !

Chairs are strictly meant for sitting ONLY. And only one person on each chair please.

४. मैदानात पिण्यासाठी (साध्या) पाण्याची व्यवस्था केली आहे, थंड तसेच फिल्टर्ड पाणी आपण दिलेल्या तिकिटाच्या पैशात मिळणार नाही, उगाचच आयोजकांकडे हट्ट धरु नये.

Only tap water will be provided inside. The price of chilled or filtered water is not included in your ticket. Do not bring such silly complaints to the organizers.

५. मैदानावरचे कॅमेरे हे सामन्याच्या हालचाली टिपण्यासाठी आहेत, उगाच हिडीस चाळे करुन त्यांचे लक्ष वेधण्याचा प्रयत्न करु नये.

The cameras in the stadium are only to record and telecast the match. Do not try to distract the cameraman with your silly gestures.

६. आपण पुण्यासारख्या एका सुसंस्कृत शहरात एका सार्वजनिक ठिकाणी सामना पहात आहोत ह्याचे भान ठेऊन चियरलिडर्सना खाणाखुणा करु नये किंवा त्यांच्याकडे डोळे फाडुन बघुन लाज आणु नये. अश्लील चाळे कराल तर नुसतीच पोलीस कारवाई नाही तर धिंड काढण्यात येईल.

Please remember that you are watching the match in a city that is the epitome of culture. Do not bring disgrace to Pune by making lewd gestures or ogling at the cheerleaders. Such acts will be met with not just police action, but also with public humiliation.

७. फुंके ( सिगारेट, बिड्या, चिलीम ), थुंके ( तंबाखु, गुटका, मावा, पान ) आणि शिंके ( तपकीर आणि स्वाईन फ्ल्युग्रस्त ) ह्यांना मैदानात मज्जाव.

Smokers (cigarettes, bidis), Spitters (tobacco, gutkha, paan) and Sneezers (snuff inhalers and swine flu carriers) prohibited.

८. मैदानात दारु विक्री केली जात नाही, मैदानात दारु पिऊ दिली जात नाही, मैदानात बाहेरुन दारु पिऊन आल्यास प्रवेश मिळणार नाही.

Sale of alcohol is forbidden, bringing alcohol is forbidden and entry when drunk is forbidden.

९. मैदानात विकत मिळणार्‍या खाद्यपदार्थांची आवरणे, पिशव्या तसेच पाणी किंवा शितपेयाच्या बाटल्या मैदानात फेकु नयेत, बाटलीवरुन खेळाडु घसरुन पडुन जखमी होऊ शकतो ह्याची किमान जाण ठेवावी.

Do not throw any kind of waste (paper, plastic, cans) into the playing field. Be aware that players can slip and injure themselves.

१०. सामन्याच्या वेळी खेळाडुंना पाठिंबा देताना हळु आवाजात आरडाओरड करावी. हा क्रिकेटचा सामना आहे, तमाशाचा फड नव्हे !

During a match, keep your voice low when cheering for your team. This is a cricket stadium, not a fish market or a tamasha.

११. अनोळखी वस्तुंना स्पर्श करु नये … व्यक्तींसह !

Do not touch unknown objects… or people!

१२. मैदानातील मोठ्ठे पंखे फक्त दुपारी आणि गर्दी असलेल्या ठिकाणीच लावण्यात येतील. पंख्याखाली बसण्यासाठी मोठ्ठ्या आवाजात भांडण करुन आयोजकांना त्रास देऊ नये.

The stadium fans will be turned on in the afternoon, and in crowded stands only. Do not argue loudly with the organizers just because you want to sit under the nearest fan.

१३. स्त्रियांचे स्वच्छतागॄह, खेळाडूंचे पॅव्हेलियन, चियरलिडर्स पोडियम, व्हीआयपी गॅलरी, पत्रकार कक्ष इत्यादी ठिकाणी उगाच जास्त घुटमळु नये.

Do not loiter needlessly near the ladies restrooms, players’ pavilion, cheerleaders’ podium, VIP gallery, press box, etc.

14. सामन्यातील कसल्याही घटनेचा ( सामना हरणे, षटकार मारणे, धावबाद होणे, झेल टाकुन देणे वगैरे ) राग खुर्च्यांवर काढु नये.

Do not vent your anger at any incident (losing the match, run-out, sixer, dropped catch, etc.) on the stadium chairs.

15. सामना पहायला आलेल्या प्रेक्षकांचे खेडाळु, चियरलिडर्स, व्हीआयपी यांच्याबरोबर अथवा खेळपट्टी, पत्रकारकक्ष, समालोचन खोली, पॅव्हेलियन, व्हीआयपे बॉक्स इथे ‘फोटु काढुन मिळणार नाहीत’ किंवा त्याला परवानगी दिली जाणार नाही.

The audience is forbidden from snapping photos with players, cheerleaders, VIPs or at the pitch, press box, pavilion, VIP box, etc. Permission for the same will not be granted.

16. सामन्याच्या वेळेदरम्यान तुटलेल्या चपला, कापलेले खिसे, मोडलेला चष्मा, हरवलेली पर्स, गायब झालेला मोबाईल ह्यांची जबाबदारी आयोजकांकडे राहणार नाही. समोरच पोलीस स्टेशन आहे, तिकडे जाऊन तक्रार करावी.

Management cannot be held responsible for your stolen purses, lost mobiles or broken spectacles. There is a police station nearby. Take your complaints there.

17. हे पुणं आहे, शिमला नव्हे, उन्हाळ्यात गरम होणारच, पण म्हणुन मैदानात सामना पहायला शर्ट काढुन बसु नव्हे. अशा निर्लज्ज प्रेक्षकांना बाहेर काढले जाईल.

This is Pune, not Shimla. It is obvious that summers will be very hot. This does not mean you can take off your shirt. Such indecent spectators will be thrown out of the stadium.

18. पाऊस पडल्यास पैसे परत मिळणार नाहीत, कॄपया हवामानखात्याशी सल्लामसलत करुन मगच तिकिट काढावे.

The ticket price will not be refunded in case of rain. Please check with the meteorological department before you buy your tickets.

19. परदेशी खेळाडुंच्या अंगचटीला जाऊ नये तसेच त्यांना स्थानिक भाषेत गलिच्छ आणि अश्लील शिव्या देऊन वेडावुन दाखवु नयेत. ते आपले अतिथी आहेत, आपण घरात पाहुण्यांशी असे वागतो का ?

Do not needlessly rush to make bodily contact with the foreign players, or pass lewd remarks at them in the local language. They are our guests. Do we behave like this with guests in our own home?

20. राजकीय नेते, सरकारी अधिकारी, स्थानिक दादा ह्यांचा वशिला लाऊन फुकट पास मागु नये. परवडत नसल्यास झाडावर चढुन सामना पहावा.

Do not ask for ‘free passes’ just because you know a politician, government official or a local goon. If you can’t afford tickets, climb on nearby trees and enjoy the match.

21. खेळाडूंना गाढव, माकड असल्या कुठल्याही प्राण्यांच्या उपमा देऊन चिडवू नये. असे करताना आपणच त्या प्राण्यासारखे दिसतो.

Do not insult players by addressing them as a donkey, monkey or any other animal. You will look like one if you do.

22. स्वच्छतागृह स्वच्छ ठेवावे. स्वच्छतागृहातून घाण येते याची तक्रार खपवून घेतली जाणार नाही.

Keep the restrooms clean. Do not complain about foul odour from restrooms.

23. समोर नाचत असलेल्या चीयर लीडर्स जरी “मस्तानी” असल्या तरी आपण “बाजीराव” नाही. म्हणून कृपया सामना खाली बसून बघावा.

The cheerleaders are as attractive as Mastani, but you are not Bajirao. Therefore, please be seated during the match.

24. वरील सुचना ह्या चेष्टेचा विषय नव्हे ह्याची नोंद घ्यावी, ह्याची चेष्टा करणार्‍या प्रेक्षकांना संपुर्ण सामना संपोस्तोवर अंधार्‍या खोलीत बळजबरीने बसवुन ठेवले जाईल.

Please note that the above rules are not to be taken lightly. If you are caught poking fun at them, you will be kept in solitary confinement in a dark cell till the end of the tournament.

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***ह्या पाट्या आहेत त्या’आयपीएल-पुणे संघाच्या कार्यालयातल्या” ….

Signboards outside the IPL Pune team office :

१. फक्त दिवसाचे सामने खेळले जातील, त्यातही दुपारी १-३ असा विश्रांतीचा वेळ राखुन ठेवावा लागेल.

All matches will be played only during the day. Also, keep in mind that 1 p.m.-3 p.m. is our afternoon nap time and this will not be compromised at any cost.

२. रात्रीच्या सामन्याचा चार्ज वेगळा पडेल, कुठल्याही परिस्थीत रात्री ८ वाजता सामना संपवण्याची जबाबदारी आयोजकांची राहिल, सवड मिळाल्यास उरलेला सामना दुसर्‍या दिवशी खेळता येईल.

Matches played during the night will be charged extra. It will be the organizers’ responsibility to end the match by 8 p.m. The rest of the match may be played out the next day, at the sole discretion of the team management.

३. सोमवारी सुट्टी घेतली जाईल.

Monday will be a holiday.

4. सर्व लोकांना जाहीर निवेदन देण्यात येते की “आयपीएल-पुणे संघ ( पुण्याचा अभिमान, महाराष्ट्राची शान ) ” ही आमचा पुर्णपणे स्वतंत्र संघ असुन “मुंबई इंडियन्स, महाराष्ट्र” ह्या संघाशी आमचा कसलाही संबंध नाही. त्या संघाशी केलेल्या व्यवहाराची जबाबदारी केवळ तो मराठी आहे ह्या कारणाने घेतली जाणार नाही. तसेच त्या संघाच्याविषयी आमच्याकडे कसलीच चौकशी करु नये.

We hereby declare that ‘IPL Pune team’ has no affiliation to ‘Mumbai Indians’. Any transactions done with Mumbai Indians will not be honoured by us just because they are Marathi too. Likewise, do not inquire about Mumbai Indians here.

5. हा क्रिकेटचा संघ आहे. उगाच गाण्याच्या स्पर्धा, नाचकामाचे कार्यक्रम, पाणपोईचे उद्घाटन, नव्या दुकानाची चित्रफीत कापणे ह्या आणि अशाच इतर कामांसाठी खेळाडुंची चौकशी अथवा मागणी करु नये.

Please note that this is a cricket team. Do not needlessly make inquiries or demands for our players to make appearances at singing competitions, water-fountain inaugurations, ribbon-cutting ceremonies or other similar activities.

6. क्रिकेट हा एक खेळ आहे ह्याचे भान ठेवावे, आम्ही मॅचफिक्सींग करत नसल्याने जिंकण्याची कसलीच गॅरेंटी देता येणार नाही.

Please note that cricket is a sport. Since we do not fix matches, there is no guarantee that we will win.

7. देणग्या मागणारे, गौरवनिधी सामने आयोजीत करणारे, सर्व्हे करणारे, फुकटात जाहीरातीसाठी कार्यक्रमाला हजरी लावण्याची विनंती करण्याची शिष्ठमंडळे आदी तत्सम व्यक्ती किंवा संस्था ह्यांना सक्त प्रवेश बंदी आहे, ह्यात कोणत्याही कारणास्तव बदल होणार नाही.

Donation seekers, benefit-match organizers, survey-takers or representatives of any organization seeking ‘free passes’ for publicity and similar persons or entities are strictly prohibited. No concessions shall be made on this policy for any reason.

8. आमचे प्रतिस्पर्धी संघ कमी किमतीत खेळत असल्याच्या बढाया आमच्यासमोर मानु नये. आमचे इथे क्वालिटीला प्राधान्य असल्याने कमी किमतीत सामना खेळवण्याचा विचार केला जाणार नाही.

We are aware that competing IPL teams play for a lower price — you do not have to inform us. Such teams know what their performance is worth. Quality is of utmost importance to us, so we will not consider lowering our price.

9. आपण आमच्या खेळाबद्दल समाधानी असताल तर इतरांना सांगा, नसाल तर योग्य आणि सभ्य शब्दात आम्हाला सांगा, योग्य दखल घेतली जाईल.

If you are satisfied with the team’s performance, kindly let us know. If not, write to us in civil language. We shall look into it.

10. आमचेकडे शाळकरी संघांना ट्रेनिंग दिले जात नाही

We do not train school teams.

11. आमच्याशी ठरलेल्या करारानुसार सामना झाल्यावर आमच्याकडुन सदिच्छा म्हणुन खेळाडुंचे टी-शर्ट्स, ट्रॅक सुट्स, टोप्या, बॅटी, चेंडु अथवा तत्सम कुठलेही किमती सामान भेट मिळणार नाही. उगाच हावरटपणा करु नये.

Under the terms and conditions agreed upon, you will not receive any t-shirts, track pants, caps, bats, balls, etc. as memorabilia after the tournament. Do not display your obscene greed here. Tantrums won’t work.