Today, I’m going to write about a topic that is near and dear to my heart. Parenting.
There are many schools of thought in on parenting. Below is the two that I struggle with on a day by day basis.
The Authoritarian Parent (“Micro Parenting“) – In the business world, we’ll equate this to “micro-managing” a child. In real life, this is the overbearing parent that is constantly molding, probing, prodding, and making the child in a possible self-image.
The Permissive Parent (“Hands Off Parenting – In the business world, you can refer this to “no management direction at all”. In real life, this is a parent who just stays back and let’s the child make his/or her decisions of mistakes.
How do you establish the right balance between the two?
Now I don’t consider myself to be the best parent in the world, but I have always tried to guide my kids to “do the right thing” and “be an all-rounder”. In my house we have two kids that are not only 7 years apart but worlds apart in their DNA makeup and their outlook and perspectives.
The younger one, is a go-getter, extremely sensitive and wants to succeed at any cost and does whatever is necessary to reach her still evolving goals, and she’s not even a teenager yet. This is the child that is harder to manage, because she’s all over the place and always challenging the Status Quo. In my house this is my “American Idol Child”. She even blogs!
This child is a non-stop communicator and will not stop discussing till she gets her point across. This is more like me I guess. Of course my friends may think otherwise.
My older one is a teenager in college and she’s on the opposite spectrum with DNA. She’s easy-going and really just wants to “go with the flow”. This child doesn’t have much of an outward desire to excel in anything much, but just wants to “be”. I could spend hours and hours talking to her for a stretch, but the channels of communication are uni-directional. From me to her.
In my mind’s eye, this is a passive child who doesn’t directly interact with her environment, but treads water ever so slowly that there is not much year of year differences.
At times she shows flashes of brilliance and may even be misunderstood to be a “selfish, self-centered child” for only being a go-getter for things she wants for herself.
How does a parent cultivate these two unique personalities and DNA composition? what is the right balance of parenting style match the child?
For my younger one, I must always raise the bar and challenge her to excel, whereas the older one, I need to constantly push her to find something that will interest/challenge her.
For my older one, I must always push her to establish “any” goal to work to. Otherwise, I’m not sure that she will ever set a goal which will interest/challenge her.
It’s as tough balance for any parent to follow. At least I struggle to balance the needs of each of these kids.
Here are some of the things I have to catch myself from not doing to maintain an equal footing as a parent:
Compare the achievements of one to the other
Use the classic line – “Why can’t you be like your sister, she doesn’t need any push in the right direction”.
Punishing the one that is yet to establish or even vocalize an “attainable goal”. Of course for me this one is too easy. Just take away my child’s body attachment to social media (her blackberry, or her Mac)!
Praising one over the other (in front of each other), because this obviously gives the older one a “complex”. What kind of complex you can figure that one out.
Using the daily/weekly/monthly parent lectures, where the child will in minutes shut down and roll his/her eyes
There are many more bad “helicopter parenting” strategies that I can write about but I think you get the idea..
Now what are successful techniques that all of us a highly paid parents do use?:
Rewarding positive behavior and success
Being friends first and then parents. Even the first part is hard to do!
Drawing the lines and boundaries for acceptable behavior and enforcing these boundaries
Being clear, concise, honest and direct in what you expect from you child. For me, I always tell my kids this is directly associated with “doing the right thing” for any situation that the world throws at you.
Constant Coaching and Communication – As a parent, the lines between the two of these things have always been blurred, as my coaching style can easily be perceived as “sarcastic encouragement”.
Being involved with your child’s daily life, without being intrusive. Allow your child to experience success and failures in their relationships and activities as they grow up?
I today’s Facebook age, how can you be your child’s friend without being overstepping the boundaries of being your child’s friend?
For every failure there is always to successes!
Trust but Verify: Now this is the hardest one for me. I trust my kids to do the right thing, but I how do I verify that the right thing has truly been done?
I could go on and ramble more and more, but as a parent what strategies work for you? As a dad who is constantly trying to balance his actions with some sense of positive reinforcement, I’d like to hear from you if you have any ideas..
I gotta say reading about the multiple fake Apple stores in China was absolutely a riot! Even the employees didn’t know they didn’t know they were working for Apple. A few have closed but I’m sure there are a few that are still in business!
I truly wonder what will Steve Jobs do about these stores. I’m sure one will close and another will open..With the enormous popularity of the Apple line in China, it’s a catch-22 for Apple.. counterfeit stores versus immense revenue
What’s your take on this?
I saw this in Yahoo News and I’ve excerpted this exchange between an customer and a rep at one of the phony stores:
“Do you have a web camera for my Macbook?,” asked one customer.
“No, but our other store in Lujiazui should have it,” said the sales representative, referring to Apple’s genuine retail store in the heart of Shanghai’s financial district.
When approached, none of the staff claimed to work for Apple or that the store was an actual Apple Store. Customers appeared unfazed.
“I prefer to get my Apple products fixed here. It’s very troublesome going to the real Apple store in Lujiazui because not only do you have to pay to get repairs, but you have to make an appointment to see the sales specialist,” said Xavier, a 30-something expatriate who declined to give his last name.
“The prices are the same as the real store but the service is better here,” he added, before whipping out his two iPads to tinker with.
I was reading my daily dose of “the Bottom line” email I get and came across something that made me think.. “Do I do this when I lie?”.. .Of course I’m not going to admit that I lie. I just tend to stretch the “truth to my convenience” as I call it.
Of course my wife and kids will disagree…
What about you? How can you tell when someone is lying?
Alan R. Hirsch, MD
Signs someone is lying…
he/she leans forward and changes posture or position often.
He licks his lips, folds or crosses his arms and blinks less often than usual.
He may fidget…
Take frequent sips of water…
Sile more than usual…
Laugh at inappropriate times during a conversation.
He is likely to close his hands into fists or interlock his fingers…
This past Wednesday, as I was a conference call with my off-shore team in Mumbai, one of them told me that there were additonal attacks in Mumbai, India. At first I was shocked, then I was deeply saddened.
This past week Mumbai experienced another cowardly attack by terrorists. This attack hit home for me even more as one of the sites was where I roam when I’m visiting and it’s only a mile or so from where I live when I’m in Mumbai!
My best friend AK from Bharatbeat wrote and an absolutely wonderful article about this attack on our blog. The post describes how the common man’s interests are NOT the priority of the Indian government, and how the government does not seem to protect the the population. Each terrorist attack is a photo opportunity and an opportunity for the corrupt politicians in India to get face time in front of the cameras.
I could go on and on, but I won’t, as none of my rants will change anything in India. Sad but true..
Do you think that anything will change after the latest attacks? You can provide your opions at the BharatBeat FaceBook page or here..
Below are some articles related to the attack from a few days ago.
This child was just walking 3 blocks to meet his mother. This is a true case for capital punishment. There were many videos of the boy walking but he just vanished after he was seen talking to a person in a sedan.
I’m sure many still have Casey Anthony’s trial fresh in their minds. I wonder what will happen to the animals that did this to child… From what I read, the 3 suspects that have been arrested are from the Hasidic Community. Of course this is just preliminary details, but horrific none the less.
My deepest condolences and prayers go out to the family of this little boy.
What should be done to the “animals” that did this and I will continue to use this word because that is exactly what these individuals are that harm any child.
As many of Dad’s readers know, Dad’s Taxi and BharatBeat.com continue to be partners and we are working to establish a global community for our friends.
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As everyone knows I’m not a Yankee Fan, but an accomplishment like 3000 hits from a classy guy like Derek Jeter is worth writing about. Now I really don’t care about all the fanfare that surrounded this accomplishment that was in the media for weeks before the actual event which occured today.
Not only did Jeter get his 3000th hit today. he did it in style… He went 5 for 5!
In this day of when you have athletes that ruin their reputations with Steroids, drugs and other questionable behavior, the continued class that Jeter shows as a Yankee is truly admirable. A few days ago, I was listening to the “talking heads” on sports radio and they were discussing whether Jeter deserves to be in the Hall of Fame with his stats.. What a stupid conversation that was. Anyone who play Jeter, is a captain, a role model, and performs day in and day out in my mind, is a shoo in for the Hall of Fame!
Congratulations Derek, you are one of 28 players that are now in the 3000 hit club. For a Met fan to say this, it’s truly a tribute to your efforts as the Yankee captain. I may not watch many games (only when I go their with my resident Yankee fan in my house!), but hearing of your accomplishment was wonderful to hear!
Not only does Jeter have have 3000 hits, he have 5 World Series Rings! That’s more than I can say for anyone on the Mets today or tomorrow! I wonder how many of the other elite member of the 3000 hit club have this? Now he can start on his next goal of 3500 or even 4000 as he still has about 2 1/2 years left on his contract.
As I sit here and watch my Metsies, I think is Reyes ever going to match this goal? Probably not, with his inclination to have leg problems. Also, he will probably get this goal but not as a Met!
You know what I just realized? I’m becoming more of a “closet” Yankee follower at the same time continuing to be a long suffering Mets Fan…
Dad’s Taxi is joining the community of The DailyPost on WordPress.
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Updated this entry from 2008 to showcase the ability to see an archive of the web! I actually found the entire content of my now closed Yahoo Geocities Family links website which was the last incarnation of Dad’s Taxi.. Of course there is a gotcha.. all the links from this archive are links to the Archived version of the sites as they existed in 2008-2009! Now that is cool.So it’s like I have my own personal repository of a snapshot in time!
For 5 years from 2003 – 2008, I researched and compiled a mega-site for links for my kids and family. Of course, when Geocities closed, my site was gone till today!
My Geolinks Family Links site was the last incarnation of Dad’s Taxi that I had utilized to put together links my then pre-teen older daughter to use get a better understanding of the Web. Of course as is normal with Dad’s Taxi, this links site got to be almost unmanageable and before long, Yahoo shut down Geocities!
A majority of the links below this point refers to the archived versions of the site! The sites which still are are still working and worth your click!
If you want to see whether a link still is still active.. check it out by copying the URL from the Archive. Take the case of Mad Money Recap (Archive) and today’s version! It’s an interesting exercise that I think I’ll do when I revive Family Links into Dad’s Taxi with the updated links.. but that is an action item for another day!